BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
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Fictionsuit Products, Inc.

 
  

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Mourne Kransky
13:44 / 13.10.02
Ah, the scales now fall from my eyes!¬

Ganesh is a fridge magnet that catalogues its contents! It contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica and flies like a rocket.

Is this like in Star Trek: The Search for Spock, where Spock /fridgemagnet dies /departs these shores and leaves a residual imprint of his soul on Bones /Ganesh?
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
14:00 / 13.10.02
My favourite so far:

Locust Polyangle is like a normal knife, but it's made of glass.

I have no idea why.
 
 
bjacques
15:03 / 13.10.02
"bjacques is a headband that emits a constant high-frequency whine! It extends at the touch of
a button and plays a mean game of Go."

That's not the first time I've heard that...
 
 
Ellis says:
15:40 / 13.10.02
Ellis is an office whiteboard that can be implanted into the arm! It does the washing up and quacks like a duck.
 
 
XXII:X:II = XXX
13:43 / 14.10.02
...all oddly appropriate.
 
 
We're The Great Old Ones Now
14:48 / 14.10.02
Oddly Appropriate is a unicycle that has adverts on the side! It is powered by a single hamster.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
14:55 / 14.10.02
Y'know, that eternal question... I had to ask...

God is a sock that's covered with realistic fur! It improves blood clotting.

So now we know.
 
 
The Falcon
22:06 / 14.10.02
Well: Duncan Falconer is a shirt button that contains the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica! It hums incessantly and bounces.


It's a series of randomly-generated product ideas! It raises questions about the nature of prior art in patenting issues and is occasionally amusing!

Very occasionally.
 
 
Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey
23:04 / 14.10.02
Strange Attractor...

is a mattress that spins about its axis!
It irons your shirts and plays a mean game of Go.

My true role in the Multiverse is finally revealed!
 
 
Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey
23:34 / 14.10.02
And the real me...

is a tricycle that doesn't distract you from your work!
It uses captured Martian technology and tastes delicious.

knew that already..............
 
 
Cat Chant
07:41 / 15.10.02
deva is a sticky label that's built and maintained by tiny nano-robots and comes with a variety of coloured fascias.

the meaning of life is like a normal greetings card, but it vibrates.

bonus ones:

blake is a riot shield that wears a waistcoat and tie and holds up to twenty cigarettes.

and

avon is a wrapping paper that makes you invisible! It catches fire very easily.

which sounds about right.
 
 
jUne, a sunshiny month
08:16 / 15.10.02
where's the lither who use to be some skateboard stuff?
we could probably have a chat together :

junejune is a pair of roller-skates! It can be controlled by willpower alone!
i wanna forget the underground... please... let me quiet... wanna be alone...
 
 
Tom Coates
11:36 / 15.10.02
Tom Coates is a video recorder that collects litter and induces lucid dreaming.

Stunningly accurate...
 
 
woodswalker
11:55 / 15.10.02
woodswalker is a human clone that can speak twelve languages! It always points to magnetic north.

Semi-bastard with lodestone for brains?
 
 
Nessus
16:06 / 17.10.02
Nessus is a button-badge that can easily be recycled!
 
 
nutella23
16:10 / 17.10.02
nutella is a robotic dog that weighs less than a pack of cigarettes, records everything you say and swears.

Order now! Supplies are limited...
 
 
Wrecks City-Zen
18:47 / 17.10.02
Rex Cityzen
Rex Cityzen is like a normal mousemat, but it always points to magnetic north.
 
 
sleazenation
19:54 / 17.10.02
sleazenation is a chainsaw that crushes ice! It tracks its position with GPS.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
00:37 / 18.10.02
vivaciously marzipaned janina is like a normal shower head, but it works at any altitude.

hmmm...let me rain on you baby, on top of a mountain, like Everest or something!

My real name is a burglar alarm that lasts forever.

I'm a very useful fictionsuit and everyday human being, I should be grateful, I'm not. I want to be a cigarette holder that makes tobacco taste like chocolate.
 
 
Naked Flame
08:48 / 18.10.02
naked flame is a fork that destroys household pests, mows your lawn and hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet.

Yet.
 
 
bigsunnydavros
09:47 / 18.10.02
Jack Davenport

Jack Davenport is an airbag that glows in the dark, is bigger on the inside than the outside and has sleek curves.

yay! I'm a glow in the dark tardis airbag with sleek curviture! Just like I've always wanted to be...
 
 
Zazie dans le Metro
13:51 / 18.10.02
It's a genetically-modified sheep that walks on three mechanical legs! It can play Mornington Crescent.
 
 
The Natural Way
14:04 / 18.10.02
runce-marriage is a sticky label that sounds better than it looks.

'The Proclaimers' is a knife that's bigger on the inside than on the outside and can be used by several people at once.
 
 
000
14:38 / 20.10.02
reformed chrome of the dark sun is a sticky label that soothes babies! It can heat a small house.
 
 
Wrecks City-Zen
22:06 / 20.10.02
Ooooh...that is so you.
 
 
higuita
19:30 / 22.10.02
mr y
mr y is a blender that can read warchalking symbols and probably won't work.

If it weren't for the fact that I've recently got a job, this would probably have quite upset me a while back.
 
 
mixmage
00:32 / 24.10.02
when I got there i was offered a trouser press that dissolves dirt, is slightly hallucinogenic and scares dogs. But it seems mixmage is a stapler! It tracks its position with GPS!

Fortunately, in the real world, I'm a car that can pick locks and comes in seven different colours. Beat that, Michael Knight.
 
 
Shrug
21:08 / 26.05.03
Matter Arising is a TV remote control that expands at the touch of a button! It counts your loose change and may cause drowsiness.
 
 
Char Aina
21:11 / 26.05.03

toksik is a contact lens! It hangs upside-down from the ceiling!
 
 
Shrug
21:18 / 26.05.03
My real name ,however, is a golf club that fires plastic darts, it sounds like something James Bond would use.
 
 
Olulabelle
21:50 / 26.05.03
olulabelle is like a normal baseball cap, but it can bring down an elephant. What??? That's distinctly uncool. But IRL I am a pager that keeps you warm at night, is unbreakable and plays Sokoban. Much better. Specially the warm at night bit.
 
 
videodrome
05:05 / 27.05.03
How interesting. I am a belt buckle that has velcro pads on the side and can run MAME roms.

Years ago I won one of me at a state fair, only to lose myself to a decomissioned officer in an ill-advised game of Bastard aboard a single-prop airplane somewhere above Utah. Things do come back around...
 
 
Sax
06:04 / 27.05.03
Sax is an answering machine that talks!

How supremely fucking dull.
 
 
No star here laces
06:36 / 27.05.03

East Croydon Shoelaces is a chainsaw that flies like a rocket, has been blessed by a priest and is used by the US military.


I rule! In an establishment way!
 
 
Mr Messy
08:02 / 27.05.03
Mr Messy
Mr Messy is a barcode reader that traps small animals! It dehumidifies the air.

Obviously I release them back into the wild when I'm done.
 
  

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